One organization I am involved with has many leaders who are
looked upon greatly and interact with its members on a regular basis. Recently
we hired several new members, most of which who are freshmen that several
others and I have interacted with outside of the organization due to our roles
as First Year Mentors and Resident Assistants. Because of these roles, we have
to be aware that people are looking at us constantly for leadership and role
modeling.
Over the
last few weeks we have had multiple trainings and social bonding time in order
to build our team and get to know each other casually. So our final bonding
event was a trip to Kennywood’s Fright Night, something I could not attend
because I had prior obligations. This was originally intended to be a fun night
for everyone to celebrate that training was over, what had happened instead was
everything but fun.
Sometime in
the evening, one of my close friends who also is a leader on the team, texted
me expressing concern for something that was happening. She said that other
leaders were making rude comments about myself in front of multiple members,
including new ones, in the organization. I tried to laugh it off and told her I
appreciated that she let me know, but she should ignore them and enjoy her
time. She stopped responding, so I thought that meant things were better.
After a few
hours, the same friend texted me again saying a big blow up occurred because
the leader that was making comments about me, threatened my friend by saying
she would “ruin her life” for telling me what had been happening. Of course it
included a lot of drama that I did not want to deal with and that I did not
want her to have to deal with, so I told her everything would be sorted out and
she does not need to worry about people who are rude.
The next
morning I had multiple messages from my friend, but also from one of my closest
friends who is a member of the team, not in a leadership role. She had
expressed her frustration of what was happening that night, but not because of
the drama. Being that she is an FYM, one of her students came up to her and
explained how she had heard about all the issues that had arose. The student
said the leader who was making the offensive remarks and arguing with other
leaders was talking about my leader friend as well as myself in front of her
and other new members. She claimed that this had been a big let down for her
because she was looking forward to joining an organization where she could
build some relationship, but now she sees that everyone really hates each other
and its not worth being a part of.
Eventually
this was brought back into the office and told to the advisor who attempted to
address the situation. Whenever it was brought up to the leader making the
disrespectful comments, she claimed that everything had been worked out and
there was nothing to worry about. You may have guessed, this issue is still
unresolved.
The reason
I believe this conflict is so important is because of how it has affected the
entire organization and our work. In my opinion, outside of the situation
because I was not present, I believe the remarks were first brought up to
instill a sense of power. By her trying to belittle me in that situation, she
made herself look better which is an immediate power entitlement in her eyes.
Afterwards,
this had a major affect on the organization in multiple ways. The first is it
brought this idea of leaders and members being disrespectful to each other seem
like a norm. When people immediately saw this, there were multiple remarks and
questions of whether or not they still wanted to be in the organization. It
also set a standard for three leaders: the one making the remarks set this idea
that she talks about everyone that she works with, the leader/friend who
messaged me set this standard that she does not get along with other leadership
in the organization, and the standard set for myself is whatever comments were
made about my character. Because of this, all three of us now have to work
against these judgements of our character.
You may
also see a lot of saving of face in this situation. For instance, the leader
who made the remarks obviously lied to the advisor stating that she everything
was solved already and she was okay with everyone else. I have been going into
the office and making an effort to connect with everyone so they get to know
who I am as a person. I have also been doing it during my FYM time too, so a false
impressions of me do not spread throughout the first year class. I also feel
like some of us have been tasked with saving face for the organization so
people will not want to quit and so there is not a stigma of disrespect and
rumor spreading for the group.
In the
future, leaders have to know that what they say has a major effect on
everything around them. Teams, colleagues, and what they represent will be
decided upon with what they say and what their attitude is. This situation has
dug us into a hole for the year which we will be continuously trying to dig ourselves
out of.
