In one of the most significant episodes in sitcom
history and a table turner in the late 1990s in the Friends television series, iconic couple, Ross and Rachel,
experience some struggles in their relationship resulting a “break” ultimately
splitting them a part.
Looking at this from a communication perspective,
the interesting part was not the actual break up but it was how they got to
that point. From the beginning of the argument to the final point in their
break up, you can see some really obvious conflict styles as well as different
roles being played out and different tactics in their attempts to save face.
A quick background of the beginning of the fight:
It is Ross and Rachel’s anniversary and Rachel has been asked to stay late at
work because of a shipping disaster. Ross, in an attempt to still have a good
night, interrupts Rachel at work and tries to have a picnic at her desk, which
results in a lot of distraction and a small fire. Rachel asks Ross to leave and
after they get home they have an
argument about who should be apologizing for the ruined anniversary. Please follow the link and watch the video below from the 2:30 marker to the 4 minutes marker.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ir8yY_0jG3k
In this snippet of the clip, you first see Ross and
Rachel disagreeing about who should be apologizing and who is wrongful in the
situation. I believe two different types of goals for each character appear
during this time: relational goals and content goals. The more obvious one is
the content goal, which I think is coming more so from Rachel’s words. She wants
Ross to apologize for interrupting her work, because it is not okay to do that
in a professional setting, especially when trying to set up a picnic. On the
other hand Ross’s focus is in a relationship goal. He wants Rachel to
understand that he does not feel like they are even dating at this point
because she is always so busy. Their relationship is almost non-existent, which
is why he made the decision to visit her at work even though she said no. In
this, we also see Rachel go through the attack/withdrawal pattern, when she
talks about how much she cares about her job after Ross brings to light what
has been happening in their relationship.
The differing goals is one way they are
misunderstanding each other and poorly communicating in their relationship.
Another shines through when Ross brings up Mark, a past coworker of Rachel’s
who he was jealous of. When Rachel responds with, “I can’t keep having the same
fight,” you know that this argument has been taking a toll over and over again,
which could also be a factor in Ross’s continuous conflict with his
relationship goal.
The video ends with a display of misunderstanding
in Ross and Rachel’s relationship when Rachel suggests taking a break and Ross
mistakes it for cooling off, not a temporary split.
Please follow the link and watch the next clip from the 30 second mark
to the 50 second mark and then again from 2:40 to 3:55.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCSoR60PG0E
In this next video, it enters in the middle of the
fight occurring between Ross and Rachel because Ross slept with someone else
during their “break.” The clip starts with Rachel ordering pizza for her and
Ross. Every time Ross makes a suggestion for the pizza, Rachel has ordered the
complete opposite. This is an escalatory spiral that has happened in a very
short amount of time. Because Ross has cheated and hurt Rachel, Rachel feels
the need to get back at him which caused her to order anchovies cut up and
placed in the sauce.
The second part of this video is the very end of
the conflict when the actual break up is occurring. Rachel starts the say the
words out loud, asking Ross to leave and saying how much he hurt her. What’s interesting
about this part is you see who has more power in the relationship. Following
the Friends series, one will notice
Ross has had feelings for Rachel since high school and she was always “too cool”
for him. Now, at the end of their relationship, you notice that Ross continues
to fight for them, saying “This can’t be over,” and how he cannot imagine life
with her. This is a key example of his submission to Rachel in their
togetherness.
During that time Rachel stays very level
headed and tells him what she feels and why its ending. Those last words from
her, “Then how come it is,” holds so much power because she is the one that
severed the ties from their relationship. The entire last two minutes prove
Rachel is the person with more power in their relationship.
Overall,
Ross and Rachel’s relationship is not a cut and dry one. The conflict that
happens between them during their final moments as a couple is complex with
many different parts. They do a wonderful job at displaying saving face tactics
and demonstrating power and submission in relationships. Finally, in my professional
“media” opinion, the producers created an excellent on stage conflict which
allowed for one of the most notable lines in television history, “We were on a
break!” Feel free to watch the link below if you please!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oEn9YvJ3Gfg
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